I was watching Family Feud when Elliot came up to me with a hot-pink comb and asked if she could brush my hair. I put her on my lap, took off my hat, and told her, “Sure.”
She grabbed a fistful of hair, stabbed me repeatedly in the forehead, and then ripped the clump of hair out.
"Be careful!" I yelled.
She dropped the comb, grabbed two fistfuls of hair, yanked them alternately, and sang “Shake your booty!”
I told her that was enough and set her on the floor, but in an instant she climbed back up, recovered the comb, and attempted to saw my ear off. I yelped, pushed her aside, and ran to the bathroom. I wasn't bleeding, but things were looking a bit thinner up there.
I didn’t dare come out. I could hear her on the other side of the door. She walked back and forth, dragging the comb across the door, quietly singing: “I comb your hair. I comb your hair.”
“Go away!” I yelled.
After a minute or so, she went quiet. But I knew she was there, pink comb in one hand, clump of hair in the other. I turned out the light, slowly opened the door, and peeked into the hallway.
There was no sign of her.
I didn’t know if I should run for the bedroom or stay put. But then, to my relief, I heard Griffin squeal from the family room, “Get off of me! You’re hurting me! No shake your booty! No shake your booty!”
5 comments:
I don't know if this story is hilarious because I was there to witness, or if it's just plain funny. She is brutul and I'm surprised you still let her climb on your lap when she is bearing hair brushes.
Laughing too hard to type a witty comment.
Good evasive tactics! Hang on to your hair as long as you can. It will leave you soon enough...but no sense rushing things along!
Mike i want to know if i will be safe next week when we come to see you? Since my hair on top of my head is long gone I should be safe, Right?
What a hilarious story, your Dad was cracking up telling us today in church!
Pop Head
you are so funny, I love reading whatever you write. I guess that's why your an English professor. Our little girl Sage did something similar to dustin this weekend. she try to brush my hair too, but I told her to, "go brush daddies hair." Too funny:)
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