Hypocrisy isn’t something to be ashamed of. We should recognize it and embrace it. If we ever truly convince ourselves that we’re not hypocrites, then we have lost our ability to be self critical, which is a sad state of affairs.
My weekly hypocrisy comes in the form of procrastination. I’m writing this, in fact, while avoiding two papers that I should have finished and emailed to my professor five hours ago. I could blame Will.I.Am blaring on my PC speakers (“I like ‘em Chunky”), or the episode of Medium playing in the other room, but the real culprit is this deep-seated feeling of “I don’t want to, and you can’t make me!”
I sent an email to my students a few weeks back where I actually told them, “Please don’t wait until the last minute to write this essay. Take your time and have fun with it.”
Take your time and have fun with it? I’m working on my third English degree and I’ve never taken my time and had fun with any writing assignment. I even capped off the email with, “Leave yourself plenty of time to revise, because that’s when the fun really starts!”
I wrote that. For reals. Exclamation point and all. I would have hated myself as a teacher. Pile on the homework, give me strict deadlines, make me respond to boring articles, but don’t send me happy emails with exclamation points saying it’s going to be fun.
The world doesn’t need another writing cheerleader.
Maybe I should take a more realistic approach in my next email:
Class –
Your essay is due in a few hours, and I’m sure you’re just getting started. I know that writing this paper sucks, but just think of how badly it sucks for me having to read them. You only have to write one of these stinkers. I have to read twenty-five of them. So please, for the love of all things holy, try to make them interesting. If that’s not possible, just staple a twenty to the back and call it good. Either way, you’re all getting a C.
P.S. If you’re having fun writing your essay, you need help.
P.P.S. I put office hours on my syllabus because my boss told me to. My door really isn’t open—please leave me alone.
5 comments:
MIke we continue to read and realize just how much we love who you are. Keep up the good work professor.
On the up side...only 2 Hrs 33 mins to Jimmy Fallon
I think it's great that you still give your students the false hope that doing homework can be fun. I mean really, if they haven't figured it out on their own by now, why should you be the one to bring reality down upon thier heads.
I'll have a real snappy comeback for you tomorrow. Yeah I'll do it tomorrow.
Can I copy and paste that into an email to my students? I'll cite you so that your son doesn't rat me out.
And that makes me so happy that Purdue caps its 106 classes at 20. That's five fewer D-worthy but C-earning papers I have to read (although it does cut into my "justified drinking" time).
Don't you dare Pollyanna out of us for reals. I'd cry.
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